Today is the 30th January so I have been in my 20’s for a whole month. I know it sounds weird but since the turn of the year, I definitely feel older and people seem to be treating me like an adult (the beard may be helping with that). My birthday seems a long time ago but I want to reflect upon the mixed emotions I have been feeling since reaching that milestone. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for everyday I’m still alive because I know that there are people who haven’t made it to my age and I was glad to say goodbye to my teenage years but it came with a bit of sadness.
The years you spend at Secondary School are meant to be the best days of your life but I can safely say that mine weren’t. Of course, there are good memories such as trips abroad (bus banter in France was a highlight) but I wasn’t happy in the main. I don’t want to moan or get the violin out but all of my insecurities and confidence issues stem from not being popular at school. Everyone would be polite to me because being kind to Wheelchair Boy seems like the right thing to do but I was always on the outside, looking in. A floater if you like.
I wasn’t going to get personal but apart from David and Aaron, no one really made time for me (inviting me out or to their home). It seemed that as my disability got worse, I became more and more isolated with people steering clear of me. They didn’t literally walk by and ignore me but clearly weren’t up for being my friend. People would nod in my direction and ask me if I was alright but that would be where the interaction would stop.
You’re probably wondering why I am bringing this up now and the answer is, like I usually do, I suppressed the feelings and they’re surfacing as I reflect upon my teenage years. School wasn’t the only negative in my kidult years. Arsenal did not give me any cause for celebration during these 7 years. Neither did the fact that I started teens walking and ended permanently in a wheelchair, pretty much dependent on 24-hour care.
As you can see, my teenage years weren’t great. I just hope that the next period of my life is a little bit better.
Bye for now!