Another weekend has passed where I stayed in and continued my life as a social recluse. I’m not asking you all to feel sorry for loser ‘Wheelchair Boy’ who has no friends because even if I was popular, I probably wouldn’t go out much either. The reason being is that on most occasions, I don’t really enjoy myself. People think I’m having a great night but that’s a cover and deep down, I’m questioning why I even bothered to come out. The problem is I never seem to remember how depressing it is to be dancing in a nightclub on your own and seem to trick my mind into believing that next time will be brilliant.
When I do have a night out, I usually begin with a trip to the pub/bar to catch up with my friend but I find it an ordeal. Firstly, my hearing problems make conversation difficult. Secondly, I feel the need to have an alcoholic drink but feel quite sick after one. Thirdly, old faces who never spoke to ‘Wheelchair Boy’ at school are suddenly my best mates just because I’m out like one of the normal lads. Also, I’m not claustrophobic or anything but I don’t like packed rooms, with people bumping into me and clambering over my chair with drink. The word ‘sorry’ becomes meaningless when it’s used so many times.
After the pub, I normally want to go clubbing because I have some idealistic view of how the night will pan out. I picture myself dancing to music with girls queuing up wanting to pull me. However, that never happens. Instead, I end up dancing to a really bad selection of music because the DJ’s are usually awful and having girls coming up to me kissing me on the forehead. They normally whisper something in my ear but again I can’t hear. It’s probably something patronising about the fact a disabled person is actually out in a nightclub ending with the word “babe” or “hun”.
I’m not saying I won’t go out again but just that I’ve never gone out and thought “this has been an incredible night”. What’s wrong with staying in, ordering a takeaway and playing FIFA all night? At least if I want to put music on, I can choose the playlist.
Bye for now!